Silent Hill: You go around trying to open a bunch of doors that are locked or broken
Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess-You try to fix a mirror with a bitchy imp and when you finally do, she fucking breaks it again.
Pokemon: some dogs and cats runnin around and shit and you gotta throw balls at them and they come to you no homo and then they fight for you and kill other dogs and shit and some people give you medallions or some shit for killing their dogs and shit kinda fucked up but i love it
Grand Theft Auto Franchise: you murder innocent people and steal the cars that they’ve worked years to get. do they have families? loved ones? you don’t care. you brutally run them over and gun them down as if they were ants
s.t.a.l.k.e.r.: you walk around and hang out with ukranians who hate you. the ukranians and the animals in the ukraine try to kill you as you sit around campfires and eat sausage. your guns don’t do anything and the ground you walk on kills you.
Kingdom Hearts: Lance Bass is involved
Portal 2: All you have is a gun with no bullets, a bunch of paint, and a useless talking metal ball
Little Big Planet: You just run around as a sack.
Mario Kart: You kill turtles and throw them at people in cars to cause millions of dollars in damage and pollute the environment with explosive shrapnel, toxic emissions, banana peels, and shell fragments, only to win a trophy and be looked down upon by seven other members of society for being an awful and destructive person.
Left 4 Dead 2: You die cause tanks like popping out of random places when you have low health.
Dragon Age Origins: You solve every-ones problems, then you kill a dragon.
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Dragon Age II: Spend seven years watching everything you love be destroyed, then start a war with exploding poop, and run away.
Skyrim: Buy a house, then fill it with cabbages.
Mass Effect: You spend years running around the galaxy getting into various difficult situations, and then you die in the most embarrassing way possible. You are then resurrected by a racist and manipulative evil genius who is also the head of an equally racist organization. All the planets get attacked and taken over by evil robot space squids, and then you die again.
Dragon’s Dogma: A fantastical game wherein one aimlessly roams around the countryside getting ravaged by goblins, wolves, and bandits and listens to the endless speech tessellations other people’s companions.
